Cobwebs surrounding the core of the pain, the scars, the tears. I missed the way my eyes used to light up when you saw me, how I was desperate for love , to be held by someone who whispered those words .I lay on my bed, grinning, felling accomplished! I feel no guilt because I got what I wanted, I roll over to my belly, count the rolls of money that lay besides me, ahhhh I can finally buy whatever I want, the money come right on time, I was so broke and I wasn't sure where I was going to get the money. Hmmmm, I remember making him guilty after he put the money on the bed. he never gave me the money in my hand as if he was afraid I would reject it. well I have rejected it once and felt so stupid when he threw it on the sofa the first time he tried to give me money.
I felt cheap, I felt lonely once again, I felt used,I deserve a ring, I deserve to call you anytime I want, I deserve to be with you any moment I please but all I get is promises and words. Im tired of those words that mean nothing, the times I waited for you and you didn't show up because you had an emergency called 'your family' or 'your wife'. im not that important huh?
What about the holidays you promised, just me and you. Each time you left, my heart would sink because for 3 years, I loved you, despite being with you for less than 30 mins all I feel is tragedy, I have at times watched you knock at my door and I would ignore you, knowing how upset you would be, I would cleanse myself off you and promise to stop being the side chick but all in vain when you would come back and I would forget every little lie you told me and I would die in the moment.
My name is the side chick, together is never promised but as long as we have a moment, I will die in the moment, that moment that I have captured with you besides me I will forever cherish, they don't understand our bond, you and I don't understand it . Im a foolish girl but im a brave girl to swallow the emptiness, no one to talk to, no one to confide in, no one to wake up too, no one to kiss goodnight as the darkness closes in.
I get up from my bed and pick up my bundle of money from my soiled white sheets, I put on my robe, put on a fresh coat of make up, look at myself in the mirror, I look good, im ready to conquer the world. I have the paper and im ready to die in the moment.
Keeping it 100%
Dedicated to Kabeka, I will always regret that I didn't do anything.
Miss Di
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