UNCOMFORTABLY IN LOVE

Getting comfortable around a new person you are dating can be difficult.
The first Kiss is awkward, the first sleepover is weird.

Do you have a ritual you do every night before you go to bed, I wash my face, cleanse, massage my shoulders and neck. I finish it off with wiping my legs.

So when you sleep over a guys/ girls unexpectedly, you have all these uncomfortable thoughts before you finally get to sleep.

When it comes to the bathroom and you want to drop a bomb, its normally nice and breezy at your place and all over sudden you are dropping nuclear war fare in the bowl and when you are done, there isn't tissues or water in the loo.

You walk back to bed after managing your loo saga then you find your new love awake, grinning sheepishly, occupying the entire bed, you are so tempted to pick up your clothes from wherever they are and duck but your love pats on the bed and you walk reluctantly towards the bed.

Arrrg, morning breath! You lock your lips and manage to kiss the lips but your lover insists on sticking tongue into your mouth, you can nearly taste the beer and smell the armpits, last night you couldn't resist the smell of your lover and now you wish you had a peg on your nose.

The walk from your lovers door to your car or taxi can be very embarrassing, suddenly all neighbours have their heads pooping all over watching you make the walk of shame. You uncomfortably seat in the car and try to shake your new friends hands instead of a goodbye kiss.

You are a few miles away and you breath in a deep long breathe, Phew!!!!! at last im on my own, you roll down the window, your knees weak, You straighten your pants, check the sides in utter shock. You wore them inside out! No wonder the stares!

Keeping it 100%

Miss Di

SIDE CHICKS NOTES

Cobwebs surrounding the core of the pain, the scars, the tears. I missed the way my eyes used to light up when you saw me, how I was desperate for love , to be held by someone who whispered those words .I lay on my bed, grinning, felling accomplished! I feel no guilt because I got what I wanted, I roll over to my belly, count the rolls of money that lay besides me, ahhhh I can finally buy whatever I want, the money come right on time, I was so broke and I wasn't sure where I was going to get the money. Hmmmm, I remember making him guilty after he put the money on the bed. he never gave me the money in my hand as if he was afraid I would reject it. well I have rejected it once and felt so stupid when he threw it on the sofa the first time he tried to give me money.

I felt cheap, I felt lonely once again, I felt used,I deserve a ring, I deserve to call you anytime I want, I deserve to be with you any moment I please but all I get is promises and words. Im tired of those words that mean nothing, the times I waited for you and you didn't show up because you had an emergency called 'your family' or 'your wife'. im not that important huh?

What about the holidays you promised, just me and you. Each time you left, my heart would sink because for 3 years, I loved you, despite being with you for less than 30 mins all I feel is tragedy, I have at times watched you knock at my door and I would ignore you, knowing how upset you would be, I would cleanse myself off you and promise to stop being the side chick but all in vain when you would come back and I would forget every little lie you told me and I would die in the moment.

My name is the side chick, together is never promised but as long as we have a moment, I will die in the moment, that moment that I have captured with you besides me I will forever cherish, they don't understand our bond, you and I don't understand it . Im a foolish girl but im a brave girl to swallow the emptiness, no one to talk to, no one to confide in, no one to wake up too, no one to kiss goodnight as the darkness closes in.

I get up from my bed and pick up my bundle of money from my soiled white sheets, I put on my robe, put on a fresh coat of make up, look at myself in the mirror, I look good, im ready to conquer the world. I have the paper and im ready to die in the moment.

Keeping it 100%

Dedicated to Kabeka, I will always regret that I didn't do anything.

Miss Di

        

NAIROBIAN MODERN DATING FUSION

Before you go throwing Shade on me,trade carefully because im not generalizing all Kenyan men and placing them in one basket. I have done my extensive soul searching research and with that I can write objectively about how it is to date a modern African man and specifically the 'Nairobian or Kenyan.

Going on a date with a Nairobian man can sometimes be depressing. The ideal date especially for Kenyan men is taking a lady for Nyama choma at a local pub. How boring! and worse still is when the music is so loud and there is a football match going on. Thank God for apps on our phones that entertain us through the entire carnivorous, chest thumping, beer (soda) sipping(sipping) men squealing like women when a team scores.

I mentioned to a guy that I would like to go to our local park for a picnic, discover the sites in Nairobi, we didn't even have to go out of town, there are so many sites that would amaze him if he was willing to just go out and explore the town. He was shocked that I wanted to do things out of the norm. I even proposed that he could make a meal at home and we could have a decent conversation but it was as if I had suggested or mentioned something so taboo. Me! go to the kitchen! was the response I got.

Sweetie, are you waiting by the car door for him to open it for you, You are hilarious girl, (open your own damn door! that's for the movies) When you expect the door to be opened for a you or letting a lady enter a lift first, that is just not something we are cultured to do. I don't even have to tell you about my experience, just go to a busy mall and see how many 'gentlemen' will stand and let a lady go through first. I was giggling with a girl friend about this..... ladies are now picking the men up for dates in our cars and dropping them home after dates....... but lets leave that to rest for now and move on.

Our men never give promises of the moon and the stars because making a commitment is something of the past. They are just afraid of being responsible, the number of women complaining about men who don't take up responsibilities is very worrying. You don't expect to lay with women and not have baby issues? check out dead beat Kenyans. Moving along.

Don't get me started with the dress code, you expect an all natural woman, no weave, Vaseline for makeup and long sunny dresses and yet when Anaconda or Booty comes out, who is the first person to forward it to the boys or groups. I'm confused whether to get an ass job or boob implants, hmm perhaps Vera had some insight on it, nahhh im kidding, [poor thing]. Let me not even begin with bedroom affairs, some men have perfected the art of written and spoken fantasies of what they can do, when it comes to do, you are left wandering in the dark, what the hell happened or was that it?

Flowers and chocolates are a thing of the past, with apps that can send you virtual flowers and sweet messages, darling don't hold your breathe for those. Maybe a bunch of spinach/sukumawiki or traditional veggies is what you might get when you are making a meal at least its a plant.

I have to appreciate the Nairobian men when it comes to dressing, their rides and homes. I haven't met an untidy man. They are on their A game when it comes to grooming and they smell delicious. Infact, I was once embarrassed by a man who had a better pedicure than I did,i noticed that men go to the palour more than us ladies for facials, waxing, Pedi's and mani's  but that stops there for now.

Finally, return the key holder ladies. Some of our guys will propose, you get the ring and three babies down your still dating or in a relationship? Hmmmm, that is an open relationship and you are the convince, wake up and smell the coffee.

Worst thing is that we cant live without them! Gotta love the Nairobian Alpha man.

Keeping it 100%

Miss Di

MENDING A HEART BROKEN MAN

He slowly sat opposite me in the restaurant and I continued reading my magazine. I tried not to notice him but I knew he was watching me. After twenty minutes I decided to pay my bill, he stretched out and took the bill and asked if he could pay. I looked at him for the first time and noticed how handsome he was but his eyes had pain written in all over.

 

He told me that he didn't believe in love, love is meant to make man suffer. He told me a heart-breaking story of how the previous relations made him a stronger man and no matter what route your heart takes you, expect to find disappointment. Don't go looking for the truth if you don't want to get hurt. Stay still and trust the person you love and you don't ever get hurt.

 

I wanted to hold him, hug him and tell him that everything would be fine and some day he would find someone who loved him and his heart  would be safe in their hands but that would be lying to him because as human beings we have curious minds. When we are in relationships, we tend to always investigate the other person. Considering that he has been hurt so many times, I don't think he is capable of mending because he has been broken too many times.

 

I wander whether the women reading this would accept to be in a relationship with a man who has been broken so many times?. I have a feeling that if you would pursue a relationship with a broken man, you would have to deal with a lot of insecurities and constantly explaining yourself.

 

I wish I had a clamp that would fix broken hearts because that man could use some mending.



Keeping it 100%

 

Miss Di

 

YOUR SCENT IS DRVING ME INSANE

Have you ever had this persons scent that drives you insane? when you are walking in the street and that scent just hits you and you start searching around to see if that person was there?

We all have that one scent that brings a tingly feeling inside especially when we associate it to someone dear to us. Mine would be the scent of my ex on the pillows or a t-shirt he borrowed for the night but my ultimate favourite, the smell of a man straight from the shower.

On a serious note, you should do a test and ask your special someone whether they remember what you smelt like and only after you have asked him or her what scents they absolutely love and if you aren't on the list of favourite scents, darling you better figure out what scent will linger on their minds.

Women, our natural scent is our special DNA but you can enhance it with some vanilla, lavender, cinnamon. Now Pheromone perfume is something im testing, it is a crazy one, collect your own sweat, (not from your armpits, the beads of sweat on your face) just a few ounces and mix with your favourite perfume,  Pheromone Perfume!!! It is basically a chemical that secretes in sweat and releases neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitters directly affect the behaviour of a person i.e. opposite sex. The pheromone perfume leaves subtle impact on human beings and is truly a powerful scent men love.

I tried it today and went to a restaurant, sat by myself in the middle of the restaurant  and ordered a meal, three male waiters came to attend to me, including the restaurant manager, I got a drink on the house and when I paid for my meal, I got a complimentary voucher for another meal. im not sure whether it was the perfume but I confirmed it when one of my colleagues stopped the lift and kept asking me silly questions about what I was doing in the evening and whether I needed any help with anything. HOWEVER, whether it was my perfume or my lovely lady charms, my scent didn't work on all men.

Try it and tell me what happens! I would like a man to try it and send me back feedback.

Keeping it 100%

Miss Di

LUNCH ON MY MIND, SEX ON HIS?

I bumped into an acquaintance in the supermarket one late night, he invited me over for lunch at his place, I was pleasantly surprised that a fine man wanted to cook a meal for me? he even asked what I wanted for lunch and I chose my lunch right there at the supermarket.

You can imagine the excitement, I got to his place and found the a lovely 3 course meal prepared, he plated each course and the presentation was beyond description. I was really blown away by the light witty conversation, we finished off with a delicious bottle of dessert wine. I was absolutely impressed.

Seated at the living room, we started watching stand up comedy and he moved in closer and I enjoyed the warmth of his arms around me. It started getting uncomfortable when kisses were being planted on my cheeks, I knew that it was my cue to exit. When I asked to leave he started acting childish and I don't really have to get into it.

My question is, just because a man has made you lunch, bought you a drink or taken you out, does that translate into sex as pay back? No matter what race you come from, I find that many women complain about this, do we have to return the favour?

Men, cant we spend a little time with you and not expect to be your icing on the cake or trophy after?

Keeping it 100%

Miss Di

THAT WHITE AND CHOCOLATE COMBINATION

At a young age love does not know race, you fall in love with anyone without asking about their religion or race but when you get older, society makes you differentiate what is accepted and what is not. I could help when a friend of mine came with a dilemma where her Hindu sister was dating a Christian boy, Black and white just don't mix in her world, her mother was in tears and her dad didn't want to see her face. How silly I thought and so I decided to experiment myself and see how society would judge me and my white chocolate mix.

I meet someone on line. Lets call him George, He has lived in Nairobi all his life and he actually speaks abit of the native language. On our first date we decided to go to a high end restaurant, we had a table for two with candle lit dinner, soft music in the background and we had a good time laughing and getting to know each other. The waiters were wonderful, extra attention was given to us and everybody around us minded their own business.

The second date we went to an equally high end restaurant in another area on a Sunday. The services was equally good but the people around us kept staring at us, the women especially with kids. I went to the washroom to freshen up my make up and I was in shock when a younger lady asked where I met the nice gentleman I was with because he must have been a good client. I laughed and lied that he was my boyfriend, you should have seen how her eyes pooped. She told me to marry the man asap because I would be financially free. I went back to my date and held his hands, thanked him for a wonderful date and as the bill came, the waiter put it where my gentleman friend fore side. I grabbed the bill and gave the waiter my card, he looked at me weirdly and walked away too run my card.

Our third date was at a local movie theatre, we went early and got front middle seats, went to a nearby bar which was fully packed, I got a tool at the counter and he stood, for some reason, I got some attention for being with him but men kept bumping into him despite the little space. I decided to pull him really close and held onto him, I could see the looks we got, I was relieved when we had to leave for the movie. One large popcorn bucket, slosh in one hand we walked in just as the movie began, a romantic movie. He put his arm around me and we enjoyed the movie for the next 20 mins in peace. The person behind me kept bumping his shoe into my seat, three times and I slowly turned to see what was going on, in the darkness our eyes met and I gave him a nasty look, I turned back to my movie, snuggled back under his arm and he kissed my forehead loudly, oh the mouth smacks I heard around us was very irritating, we managed to go through the entire movie, with the constant bumps from the guy behind me. We walked into the streets, hand in hand, I hear a few insults here and there which really offended me.

My question is, cant we live in a world that is tribe less, colourless, religion less a world where all humans beings are all the same.

Besides, if you turned off the lights in a room, we are all the same colour!

Keeping it 100%

Miss Di